And then there was one. Yes, that's right, the boys have well and truly gone, off home to prepare for South Africa...leaving me all alone in a big empty house. Scary stuff. I'm on day 6 of 10 alone, and I'm actually doing ok. I thought i'd be much worse.
To be fair, Simon stayed from the day the boys left (Sat 21st) until the Tues, leaving me alone that night...and then I stayed at Kat's on Weds...alone last night, and will be alone for the weekend, until Sunday, when I will pack up for Easter, go to Kat's for two nights, then on to residential, then on home. Phewph!I do have a few reflections on being alone though. Firstly-it's not as hard as I thought it would be in the day times. I know i'm not working alone completely, I still have Kat thank goodness, but still doing a lot of things on my own where normally I would have had Sam with me. I don't know whether it's because i've felt as though it's a "new start", but I think i've been working harder. Being on my own has also forced me to communicate in places I wouldn't, with staff, and especially with students at the academy. Normally i'll chat with them in the playground..but mainly leave them to their own devices. But because I'm on my own now, I've ended up getting really involved with basketball games, having longer chats and helping to sort out little tiffs. Why didn't I do this sooner?!
Another reflection is HOW supportive people have been. Simon and Bec have been awesome from a distance, checking up on me and making sure i'm not sad (because they know if I am even if I say i'm not). Also Kat has been amazing, letting me stay and generally bug her more than normal! Even down to Amanda and Neil (who work at the Baptist church) and people from church, even people at head office,everyone has been checking up on me, making sure i'm not lonely and that i'm looking after myself. People are nice :D I guess then the only hard times are at night when i'm on my own. I will admit that i'm very childishly scared of the dark...and once the lights are off I can't go back into the room to turn them back on (meaning that once I turn the landing light off i'm stuck in my room until morning....d'oh!). I just have to keep reminding myself that the noises I hear are next door (I live in a semi-detached), and that I HAVE locked the doors and windows. MAN do I get paranoid in the dark!!
So basically this blog is to say...I'm alone, but I'm doing ok. so don't worry! and please pray- I don't feel unsafe but a girl on her own at night on the way home is a lot more vulnerable than a girl with a boy...even if that boy is Sam!
Friday, 27 March 2009
Monday, 2 March 2009
Chasing the Dragon
Well....where do I begin with this? I found this book decidedly annoying and fascinating all at the same time. However once I got past the patronising tone of the book, I began to see the heart of a passionate servant of Jesus, and it drew me in. I think the reason I found it patronising is because of the simplicity of Jackie Pullinger's faith...if anything, I can say that she seems to have maintained child like faith throughout an incredibly deep spiritual journey. Jesus spoke, and she went, following Him diligently and knowing He was the only one to follow. Wow! The simplicity of that is beautiful, and although what happened to her at many times cannot have been easy, it was simple obedience and humility that led her there.
Part of me hates these books, because they always lead me to a place (and this is showing how self centred I am now) where I look at myself, and don't like what I see. I believe that Jesus should be involved intrinsicly in every decision that I make. But that is all worthless unless I actually DO IT. He was involved in my decisions about what I was going to do this year, and He was involved in my decisions about uni etc. But he's not really involved in what I should do when a fight kicks off at youth club. Or whether or not I should do the washing up. Pullinger didn't seem to differentiate between the "important" and the "unimportant"- she just walked with Jesus, every day. Every moment. I can hear myself whining "I wanna do that".
The other thing that fascinated me about this book is Pullinger's acceptance of the Spirit. She didn't see it as a big spiritual deal to speak in tongues, rather an essential part of walking with Jesus. Seh accepted, and taught others, that we ALL have times where we simply cannot word how we feel to Gos- and in those times the Spirit intercedes for us. But it was nothing weird and spiritual, it's from scripture and it's based in truth. Again, comes the whiny "I wanna do that".
I started off this book disliking Pullinger. I think this was a good thing, because the book didn't make me think "wow she's amazing". It made me think "Wow God's amazing". Which is how you identify a true servant I suppose...when the things they do point you back to God, not to themselves.
Part of me hates these books, because they always lead me to a place (and this is showing how self centred I am now) where I look at myself, and don't like what I see. I believe that Jesus should be involved intrinsicly in every decision that I make. But that is all worthless unless I actually DO IT. He was involved in my decisions about what I was going to do this year, and He was involved in my decisions about uni etc. But he's not really involved in what I should do when a fight kicks off at youth club. Or whether or not I should do the washing up. Pullinger didn't seem to differentiate between the "important" and the "unimportant"- she just walked with Jesus, every day. Every moment. I can hear myself whining "I wanna do that".
The other thing that fascinated me about this book is Pullinger's acceptance of the Spirit. She didn't see it as a big spiritual deal to speak in tongues, rather an essential part of walking with Jesus. Seh accepted, and taught others, that we ALL have times where we simply cannot word how we feel to Gos- and in those times the Spirit intercedes for us. But it was nothing weird and spiritual, it's from scripture and it's based in truth. Again, comes the whiny "I wanna do that".
I started off this book disliking Pullinger. I think this was a good thing, because the book didn't make me think "wow she's amazing". It made me think "Wow God's amazing". Which is how you identify a true servant I suppose...when the things they do point you back to God, not to themselves.
My battle with fair trade...
...and it is a battle.
I have been thinking for a while, and Steve worded it well to me the other day...when did it get to the point where paying people fairly for what they do is the EXCEPTION to the norm? how did human kind get in such a mess?!
And I think the answer is this...human kind are selfish (me included). We get SO wrapped up in our own worlds, our busy little lives, that we don't think about where our food or our clothes come from..it doesn't even enter our heads.
So in one way, really thinking and learning about fair trade this year has caused me to up my game- I don't buy non fair trade chocolate any more, and I only drink fairtrade tea and coffee. But is there actually any point in doing that? Because what about the other food I buy? What about oranges and bananas and juice and.....the list just goes on and on and on until it gets to the point where I think...does my tiny little contribution really make ANY difference? And am I just doing this because it's just the next middle class organic vegan geo-fad?
I'm pretty sure that, no matter what Costa say, they only offer a fairtrade alternative to look trendy. Just like offering soya lattes and organic blueberry wholegrain muffins. Because surely, if they cared about the people behind the coffee, all the coffee they offered would be fairtrade. And then the Costa employees wouldn't scowl at you when you ask for it.
I AM aware that this blog has turned into a fairly angry rant! I just....don't know what to do. I'm going to carry on buying the fairtrade alternative where I can. Surely though, the only thing that will really make a difference to lives is if we, and not just me, campaign seriously to supermarkets, chocolate companies, clothes shops etc, asking for more and more, pushing them further into HAVING to supply a large amount of fairtrade products. Only then will more people in Africa, South America etc be employed by companies that pay them a fair wage. Only then will it be the majority, not the minority that are paid fairly, and able to work their way out of poverty.
There is a link missing, and it's compassion. I have tried to explain to loads of the young people the reason why we only buy fairtrade chocolate, tea and coffee. And even when they understand, a lot of them don't care enough to change. And who can blame them? They don't know the people who work for next to no pay to make their chocolate. Without compassion for the people behind the chocolate, nothing will change.
This blog does have a melancholy feel to it...and it's because, although I am a BIG believer in hope overcoming all things, this thing seems to big for me to chisel away at. I KNOW that "doing my bit" isn't enough. But do I care enough to do more?
I have been thinking for a while, and Steve worded it well to me the other day...when did it get to the point where paying people fairly for what they do is the EXCEPTION to the norm? how did human kind get in such a mess?!
And I think the answer is this...human kind are selfish (me included). We get SO wrapped up in our own worlds, our busy little lives, that we don't think about where our food or our clothes come from..it doesn't even enter our heads.
So in one way, really thinking and learning about fair trade this year has caused me to up my game- I don't buy non fair trade chocolate any more, and I only drink fairtrade tea and coffee. But is there actually any point in doing that? Because what about the other food I buy? What about oranges and bananas and juice and.....the list just goes on and on and on until it gets to the point where I think...does my tiny little contribution really make ANY difference? And am I just doing this because it's just the next middle class organic vegan geo-fad?
I'm pretty sure that, no matter what Costa say, they only offer a fairtrade alternative to look trendy. Just like offering soya lattes and organic blueberry wholegrain muffins. Because surely, if they cared about the people behind the coffee, all the coffee they offered would be fairtrade. And then the Costa employees wouldn't scowl at you when you ask for it.
I AM aware that this blog has turned into a fairly angry rant! I just....don't know what to do. I'm going to carry on buying the fairtrade alternative where I can. Surely though, the only thing that will really make a difference to lives is if we, and not just me, campaign seriously to supermarkets, chocolate companies, clothes shops etc, asking for more and more, pushing them further into HAVING to supply a large amount of fairtrade products. Only then will more people in Africa, South America etc be employed by companies that pay them a fair wage. Only then will it be the majority, not the minority that are paid fairly, and able to work their way out of poverty.
There is a link missing, and it's compassion. I have tried to explain to loads of the young people the reason why we only buy fairtrade chocolate, tea and coffee. And even when they understand, a lot of them don't care enough to change. And who can blame them? They don't know the people who work for next to no pay to make their chocolate. Without compassion for the people behind the chocolate, nothing will change.
This blog does have a melancholy feel to it...and it's because, although I am a BIG believer in hope overcoming all things, this thing seems to big for me to chisel away at. I KNOW that "doing my bit" isn't enough. But do I care enough to do more?
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