my journey from September to December.....

I didn't know what I was coming to.
I wanted to go to a church and work with nice Christian kids who knew it all already.
I wanted to do talks and lead worship and let everyone tell me how great I am and how gifted and how servant hearted.
I wanted to carry on doing what I was doing at home, in London.

God had other ideas.

I'm at various youth clubs with young people I have never come across before.
I'm at a church which is just starting and figuring out exactly what the point of them being there is.
I started off thinking I knew it all and quickly realised that I don't.
Everything I do is completely different to what I did on the Wirral.

And it's changing me, growing me and showing me who I am more than I ever thought it would.

God basically tricked me into coming here- and I think if i'd had known what I was coming to I would have been a LOT more nervous. I was so ready to leave home and get out on my own though, and God knew what I really needed, even though it was different to what I thought I needed. He really is rather clever.
And now i'm here. How glad I am that God put me in this place!! He has taught me so much, despite my many many mistakes, and I am growing every day now. At the start, I felt as though I was growing one day, and then the next I was failing. As I go through the day to day, I am learning, VERY slowly, to fix my eyes on Him. And as I do that, I see Him changing me.
A couple of weeks ago, I went whining to Simon about...nothing in particular. His response was "Philippa, go and spend some time with God. Clearly you can't do anything without Him."
And he was right. I would have packed this in by now if I didn't have my eyes fixed on Him (at least occassionally...it's nowhere near as much as I would like). What a simple but vital lesson to learn. "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." How true that has proven in the past 3 months. I REALLY WANT to focus on Him more!! If He moves this much now, I can only imagine how much He would move if I allowed him into every area of my life.
It has only been the past couple of weeks that I have begun to feel useful and effective in the youth clubs, and in the church i suppose. That's not to say that I felt down about it until now- rather I had accepted that there would be a fairly long "getting used to it/getting to know people" process. Which I guess is quite a change in me- until I came here I would have wanted to be good at what i'm doing straight away, and if i wasn't i would jack it in really quickly. I definitely haven't arrived, but i'm gettin there, and i'm so glad i've got 8 more months to work on it.
At training, I felt that the most important thing this year was going to be for me to remember how valuable everyone is. how valuable the young people I work with are to Him. How beautiful and important they are. and it has been so important, in everything I do. But remembering that in my own strength makes no difference- when I focus my eyes on Him, He constantly reminds me of it, and then I know it as more than a fact, I know it as feelings of compassion, renewed strength and patience. That doesn't sound how I mean it...but I hope you understand. It's hard to explain I guess.
So i'm learning truly what a worshipping lifestyle is. How important patience is and how much of a difference it makes to truly fix my eyes on Him.

It's changed everything.