Sex.

Don't worry; this isn't going to be graphic or anything. Have just been having a LOT of thoughts about sex at the moment, about its role in society, in communities- about the good and bad it can do.

That's a lot of thinking about sex for a virgin.

Anyway, a while ago we ran sex and relationships training with y8 in the Academy. It came at a really poignant time for me, because I’ve been thinking about it on and off since youthwork:the conference in November. This is a pretty long time to be thinking about sex for.

NB. I do think about other things.

There are a number of angles to it for me really...because it's personal, but it's also about everyone and about society, and about God (obviously).

The church does a SUCKY job of addressing sex and sexuality and relationships and self esteem and everything doesn't it? I don't think I could count on one hand how many "sex" sessions I’ve been to at youth groups, and at events like spring harvest and soul survivor, and even though they were helpful (in varying degrees) the only thing I've EVER come away with is "must not do this must not do that must do the other" running through my head. The problem is that no one ever told us how to not do these things. No one ever told us how to be in a relationship that glorifies God. Surely though, it should be the exact opposite way round? In a world where we hear stories of teenage pregnancy, abortion, STIs, HIV, divorce, affairs etc etc etc, surely the church should be on the front line addressing all this stuff? Surely there is more to life than this?

Well, of course I believe that there is.

Why then, did no-one mention this?! The church is too busy telling us what NOT to do that they didn't mention that it's all for our benefit!!

12"Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything"

I was reminded of this verse when I was teaching the Sex lesson. A group of girls at the front, by what I can only say was the grace of God, managed to come to the conclusion that sex is better within marriage, completely un-prompted by me. This gave me so much hope, because it showed me that it’s logical. It does make sense! We are allowed to do whatever we please-but it won't necessarily be good for us. We can do what we want- but we need to make sure it doesn't take over our lives.

Another one of the pupils in my class, a 13 year old boy, passionately stated in front of the whole class. "NO! Sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship. Trust comes first. And loyalty. What's the point in having sex if they're just going to do it with someone else the next day?! It was like something had clicked in him there that he hadn't thought about before. I find it mind-blowing that God designed such a perfect and beautiful way to live. So how come the church isn't telling us this? In biblical times, dating didn't exist. So someone needs to tell us how to deal with that interim period, where you're more than friends and less than a family. How are we going to have healthy marriages if we can’t have healthy friendships and dating relationships?

Ok, I am aware that this has turned into a bit of a rant, and maybe it does come with a slight bitter under tone (from having to figure out how to do a relationship kind of on our own), but the point stands. Where are the leaders who are going to step up and be honest about their sexual struggles? When will the church address issues apart from not having sex? We need to be shown how to be in a relationship. We need to understand how to protect ourselves from sexual sin. Most importantly, we need to know the joy that comes from living life the way in which God intended us to live.

Just to finish though, something I have really learned this year is to stop whining about what the church is or isn’t doing, and to get on and do it myself. Yes, of course we need guidance from older, wiser people with more experience, but if no-one is showing us how to behave or what to do about certain issues, then we shouldn’t use this as an excuse. If something that we need to learn about isn’t addressed, we should seek to find out for ourselves- praying about it, reading about it, asking people about it…

We need to step up. As young people (of which I still am one…right?!) we need to take responsibility for furthering our relationship with God and pushing to find ways of living how He intends us to live. No more excuses!