I didn't know what I was coming to.
I wanted to go to a church and work with nice Christian kids who knew it all already.
I wanted to do talks and lead worship and let everyone tell me how great I am and how gifted and how servant hearted.
I wanted to carry on doing what I was doing at home, in London.
God had other ideas.
I'm at various youth clubs with young people I have never come across before.
I'm at a church which is just starting and figuring out exactly what the point of them being there is.
I started off thinking I knew it all and quickly realised that I don't.
Everything I do is completely different to what I did on the Wirral.
And it's changing me, growing me and showing me who I am more than I ever thought it would.
God basically tricked me into coming here- and I think if i'd had known what I was coming to I would have been a LOT more nervous. I was so ready to leave home and get out on my own though, and God knew what I really needed, even though it was different to what I thought I needed. He really is rather clever.
And now i'm here. How glad I am that God put me in this place!! He has taught me so much, despite my many many mistakes, and I am growing every day now. At the start, I felt as though I was growing one day, and then the next I was failing. As I go through the day to day, I am learning, VERY slowly, to fix my eyes on Him. And as I do that, I see Him changing me.
A couple of weeks ago, I went whining to Simon about...nothing in particular. His response was "Philippa, go and spend some time with God. Clearly you can't do anything without Him."
And he was right. I would have packed this in by now if I didn't have my eyes fixed on Him (at least occassionally...it's nowhere near as much as I would like). What a simple but vital lesson to learn. "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." How true that has proven in the past 3 months. I REALLY WANT to focus on Him more!! If He moves this much now, I can only imagine how much He would move if I allowed him into every area of my life.
It has only been the past couple of weeks that I have begun to feel useful and effective in the youth clubs, and in the church i suppose. That's not to say that I felt down about it until now- rather I had accepted that there would be a fairly long "getting used to it/getting to know people" process. Which I guess is quite a change in me- until I came here I would have wanted to be good at what i'm doing straight away, and if i wasn't i would jack it in really quickly. I definitely haven't arrived, but i'm gettin there, and i'm so glad i've got 8 more months to work on it.
At training, I felt that the most important thing this year was going to be for me to remember how valuable everyone is. how valuable the young people I work with are to Him. How beautiful and important they are. and it has been so important, in everything I do. But remembering that in my own strength makes no difference- when I focus my eyes on Him, He constantly reminds me of it, and then I know it as more than a fact, I know it as feelings of compassion, renewed strength and patience. That doesn't sound how I mean it...but I hope you understand. It's hard to explain I guess.
So i'm learning truly what a worshipping lifestyle is. How important patience is and how much of a difference it makes to truly fix my eyes on Him.
It's changed everything.
Monday, 8 December 2008
Communication
I think the way that Jesus communicated when he was on earth and the way I feel He communicates with me in my daily walk today are very different- so I'll look at both seperately.
In the gospels....
I find the way Jesus communicated to different groups of people in the Bible fascinating. When talking to the people as a group He was so wise and so compelling. The sermon on the mount I find incredible. Again and again Jesus speaks against the world's viewpoint and points the people to the way God designed for us to live- always starting with "you have heard it said"...."But I tell you". I also love how blunt Jesus is during the sermon, eg matt 5v30 "It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell". Often in my life I find myself trying to make the truth about Jesus comfortable and nice to hear- but it SO isn't. The sermon on the mount alone says that we must settle arguments quickly, when we like to drag them out. Our lustful thoughts matter just as much as our actions, and the oaths, commitments and even words we say to people absolutely must be truthful, without swearing by anything. etc etc etc.
Then again, he isn't always so blatant about what He means. Sometimes He told some really confusing parables, leaving the people who wanted to argue reeling, and leaving the people who wanted to learn yearning for more of Him. How clever! It's almost like He was God or something...
I love the way He communicates with the disciples too- that it is so different to when He spoke to the masses. Although it is sometimes scornful (mark 8:33- "Get behind me Satan!") It is ALWAYS in love. Not to say of course that he only had love towards the disciples, but I find it fascinating that Jesus had a group of people that he was SO close to. Is is only to the disiples that he explains more fully what He means and what is going to happen, although of course they are still left a little confused (Luke 18v 34- "The disciples did not understand any of this. It's meaning was hidden from them, and they did not know what he was taling about") The realtionship between Jesus and the 12 was fascinating and so...beautiful! (for want of a better word. )
A final note...I always thought that the Pharisees were kind of "the baddies"- but of course Jesus loved them as much as anyone else! When you really look at it, I honestly believe that Jesus never speaks against them as individuals, only against the traditions that they hold so dear. It was the Pharisees that felt they were being scorned because His teachings were opposed to Jewish tradition. They were as misguided as the people, and the disciples, and well, us!
In me...
It's amazing how I feel Jesus communicates with me connects with how he communicated when He was on earth. I often get scriptures that recur in different places until I realise it's Jesus- how typically human not to notice until the fourth or fifth time. This totally resonates with how Jesus used scripture in his preaching on earth, and always reminds me how amazing scripture is. How come we can sit down with any book apart from the Bible and read for hours? Because Scripture is SO packed full of meaning, even a few verses can leave me chewing over it for weeks.
Also, I find that Jesus connects with me through life- through every day things that I do in routine- and one day he'll just BE in that situation and show me that it is indeed a holy action, even if it is picking the ming out of the plug hole in the kitchen sink. Eugh. This reminds me of the way Jesus used to speak to the people when He was on earth- using things they would come across every day to speak to them- eg the parable of the sower, the parable of the lost sheep etc etc.
How beautifully complex God is!!
In the gospels....
I find the way Jesus communicated to different groups of people in the Bible fascinating. When talking to the people as a group He was so wise and so compelling. The sermon on the mount I find incredible. Again and again Jesus speaks against the world's viewpoint and points the people to the way God designed for us to live- always starting with "you have heard it said"...."But I tell you". I also love how blunt Jesus is during the sermon, eg matt 5v30 "It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell". Often in my life I find myself trying to make the truth about Jesus comfortable and nice to hear- but it SO isn't. The sermon on the mount alone says that we must settle arguments quickly, when we like to drag them out. Our lustful thoughts matter just as much as our actions, and the oaths, commitments and even words we say to people absolutely must be truthful, without swearing by anything. etc etc etc.
Then again, he isn't always so blatant about what He means. Sometimes He told some really confusing parables, leaving the people who wanted to argue reeling, and leaving the people who wanted to learn yearning for more of Him. How clever! It's almost like He was God or something...
I love the way He communicates with the disciples too- that it is so different to when He spoke to the masses. Although it is sometimes scornful (mark 8:33- "Get behind me Satan!") It is ALWAYS in love. Not to say of course that he only had love towards the disciples, but I find it fascinating that Jesus had a group of people that he was SO close to. Is is only to the disiples that he explains more fully what He means and what is going to happen, although of course they are still left a little confused (Luke 18v 34- "The disciples did not understand any of this. It's meaning was hidden from them, and they did not know what he was taling about") The realtionship between Jesus and the 12 was fascinating and so...beautiful! (for want of a better word. )
A final note...I always thought that the Pharisees were kind of "the baddies"- but of course Jesus loved them as much as anyone else! When you really look at it, I honestly believe that Jesus never speaks against them as individuals, only against the traditions that they hold so dear. It was the Pharisees that felt they were being scorned because His teachings were opposed to Jewish tradition. They were as misguided as the people, and the disciples, and well, us!
In me...
It's amazing how I feel Jesus communicates with me connects with how he communicated when He was on earth. I often get scriptures that recur in different places until I realise it's Jesus- how typically human not to notice until the fourth or fifth time. This totally resonates with how Jesus used scripture in his preaching on earth, and always reminds me how amazing scripture is. How come we can sit down with any book apart from the Bible and read for hours? Because Scripture is SO packed full of meaning, even a few verses can leave me chewing over it for weeks.
Also, I find that Jesus connects with me through life- through every day things that I do in routine- and one day he'll just BE in that situation and show me that it is indeed a holy action, even if it is picking the ming out of the plug hole in the kitchen sink. Eugh. This reminds me of the way Jesus used to speak to the people when He was on earth- using things they would come across every day to speak to them- eg the parable of the sower, the parable of the lost sheep etc etc.
How beautifully complex God is!!
Monday, 10 November 2008
Book Review- The Drama Of Scripture
The Drama Of Scripture
In order to make sense of our lives, we must understand the context in which it is placed- the big story that influences daily the way we live our lives. Different cultures tend to define their lives using different stories, of their cultures or their towns or families. However, to truly make sense of our lives, according to The Drama of Scripture, we must use the story of scripture in its entirety to define our lives. The challenge that I found in the book is that we must not live our lives according to our culture or the story of our localities and merely attempt to fit in the story of scripture into the gaps that these other stories leave, rather we must live our lives according to God’s big story alone, and allow it to influence these other stories.
The Drama of Scripture allowed me to understand stories of the bible that I already knew within the context of the entire history of the Bible, as well as teaching me about books that I previously had not explored. It specifically gave me a much clearer understanding of the importance and relevance of the Old Testament with relation to the life of Jesus and the beginnings of the Christian church. It also highlighted for me the importance of knowing who God is- not only creator, not only saviour, but both Elhohim and Yahweh. Once we begin to grasp this, and of course we understand it more and more as we explore scripture, our lives are changed and our decisions are influenced.
Another thought I had about the book is that the story of scripture not only enables us to understand who God is, but allows us to see who we are with relation to who God is. The entire Bible, both in creation, and in the covenants that God makes with his people, God displays the perfect relationship that He designed for us to have with Him. He is sovereign, over creation and His people, yet we are the crown of creation, designed in His image to be in direct relationship with our creator. Yet this relationship is not of equals, as well as being a father/child bond, it is also clearly a King/servant relationship. We are designed for the completion of God’s kingdom, yet we are not supposed to be distant from Him, but in intimate and constant discussion with Him.
As an overview of the whole Bible, The Drama of Scripture was really effective and helpful for widening my knowledge of scriptures, especially of the Old Testament. It especially answered questions that I had about the importance of Abraham, and later on the Israelites and helped me to realise that God was not showing favouritism- but intended to bless all nations on earth through one man, and then one people. This taught me, which I am sure was the intention of the writers of the book, that God’s plans are much wider than we can comprehend. When we see scripture as a whole story from beginning to end, we can gain understanding about the importance and relevance carrying out the plans that God has for us.
Saturday, 27 September 2008
How has your faith changed since starting threesixty?
I have been writing a journal during quiet times to make sure I keep track of changes I'm going through and stuff I'm learning...so to answer this question I guess I'll have to refer to that. Looking back...I don't think I had a clue what I was coming to. I can't believe I devoted a year to doing...something! But I am so glad I'm here, and I really feel that God has plans for me here. Of course I have no idea what they are!
I guess it will be the same for everyone my age who is moving away to uni/gap years at the moment, but these last few weeks have been an obvious time of growth for me.
Firstly, and simply, the way I consider others, therefore the way I act towards them, is really beginning to change. It started at training- realising that God said all of creation was good,and yet we were very good. very good? I can't grasp that! So every time there is a stunning sunset for example, that is nothing compared to how beautiful and valuable we are in God's eyes.
Psalm 45:11 "the king is enthralled by your beauty, honour him for he is your lord"
But that is everyone, and not just me!! So the way I understand "Love your neighbour as yourself" has been completely blown apart. As I accept that slowly, it really effects the way I judge people, the way I act towards people and the way I talk about them. It also really helps with dealing with people who I struggle with (although haven't come across too many of them yet..)
Secondly, and probably obviously, the way I consider church is being completely re-moulded. Again, at training, it was said to me that we need to consider Christ, then figure out our mission according to him, then to build the church around that. So often we build our church then desperately try to understand where Christ fits in and how on earth we do mission. That is why it's so exciting to be part of church.co.uk in Enfield, it's not...anything at the moment. It's being built. It's just a group of people seeking Christ and figuring out what his mission is for us. It really fits into the wider thoughts i'm having at the moment, about how we absolutely must have our eyes fixed on Jesus, and not on trying to get it right or trying to fit into what a Christian should look like.
So, at the moment, i'm trying to take the "teachings" and live them...which I guess goes completely against the whole not getting stuck in the rules thing...eek.
I guess it will be the same for everyone my age who is moving away to uni/gap years at the moment, but these last few weeks have been an obvious time of growth for me.
Firstly, and simply, the way I consider others, therefore the way I act towards them, is really beginning to change. It started at training- realising that God said all of creation was good,and yet we were very good. very good? I can't grasp that! So every time there is a stunning sunset for example, that is nothing compared to how beautiful and valuable we are in God's eyes.
Psalm 45:11 "the king is enthralled by your beauty, honour him for he is your lord"
But that is everyone, and not just me!! So the way I understand "Love your neighbour as yourself" has been completely blown apart. As I accept that slowly, it really effects the way I judge people, the way I act towards people and the way I talk about them. It also really helps with dealing with people who I struggle with (although haven't come across too many of them yet..)
Secondly, and probably obviously, the way I consider church is being completely re-moulded. Again, at training, it was said to me that we need to consider Christ, then figure out our mission according to him, then to build the church around that. So often we build our church then desperately try to understand where Christ fits in and how on earth we do mission. That is why it's so exciting to be part of church.co.uk in Enfield, it's not...anything at the moment. It's being built. It's just a group of people seeking Christ and figuring out what his mission is for us. It really fits into the wider thoughts i'm having at the moment, about how we absolutely must have our eyes fixed on Jesus, and not on trying to get it right or trying to fit into what a Christian should look like.
So, at the moment, i'm trying to take the "teachings" and live them...which I guess goes completely against the whole not getting stuck in the rules thing...eek.
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